What?! I am lacking two green-apple-flavoured condoms? Outrageous!

This is a pretty amusing first for me. Called up my wholesaler today to say that I have received a box of 144 Durex Select Flavours condoms that only had 135 condoms (Ha!)

He and I could not keep a straight face when I said "I am lacking two strawberry, two banana, two orange and three granny-smith-apple-flavoured condoms"

Below is the offending box of condoms

Pharmacy Audits - teaching you how to hold a spatula

Every community pharmacy in New Zealand gets routinely audited every 4-5 years. I totally understand the need for quality control in community pharmacies. We deal with many drugs that could potentially kill people if given wrongly.

That being said, this current audit which I participated in recently shows that common sense and pharmacy audits are often mutually exclusive. Below are some of the things that came up:

(1) The hand washing basin in the dispensary is too far from the paper towel dispenser. It is three foot steps away.

(2) The dispensary Ibuprofen 200mg tablets (Nurofen, Advil etc.) cannot be repackaged down for personal use or to sell. This is despite the fact that it is the same strength of tablet as the ones you get from supermarket. Why? Because some bureaucrat at Medsafe decided to classify this particular packaging as "prescription only medicine"

(3) The wooden handle on the spatulas (that we use to make individualised dermatological creams) has tiny cracks on it.

Ahhhh bureaucracy at its best.

How to increase your paid holiday from 4 to 5 weeks

Jason decided to open the door and join the photo shoot
as this is the first time the hot cousins have decided to visit in 6 years

Unfortunately there is a caveat to the promise of this article. Your 5th week of holiday will have to be spent sitting on the toilet, taking a dump.

Someone once told me "I always take a dump at work, because I'd like to think that I am getting paid for taking a dump"

I hate public toilets with a passion so unfortunately this strategy won't cut it for me but it got me wondering about the real monetary cost (for the business) of a person taking a dump at work.

Lets assume you don't take any holidays and work the full 52 weeks at a normal 9 to 5, Mon-Fri job. You know, cause you just sooo enjoy what you do and would love nothing but to work the full 52 weeks.

5 working days a week X 52 weeks = 260 days worked per year.

And lets assume you eat a lot of fibre and keep up with your water intake so your average dump-taking time is around 10 minutes a day. 

This is (relatively) good news for people who suffer from Crohn's, Ulcerative Colitis or IBS as time spent on the toilet can be infinitely more, hence increasing the "time paid to dump". Perhaps one consolation from the myriad of things you have to suffer through, like that person who was on Xenical but still went out and ate Maccas. Enjoy shitting your pants I say.

260 days X 10 minutes = 2600 minutes paid for taking a dump

2600minutes / 60 minutes = 43.3 hours paid for taking a dump.

Jesus christ, you just got paid a full working week, by doing nothing more than adjusting your bowel motions.

The State of Pharmacy - Summer 2013

In the spirit similar to that of The Oatmeal's State of the Web, I present to you, State of Pharmacy:

Because, apparently, eating real celery bought from your local supermarket is just not good enough.

What do you call a black person selling drugs?

The Anti-Joke Chicken:

Pharmacy Memes

Here's a few to start off the feature and no, it is not pronounced as me-me. More will be updated in the Pharmacy Meme section.

5 types of Rate-Limiting Assholes

Ever wonder why when you queue in the shortest line at a supermarket, the line next to you (that is three times longer) is going so fast that the last person in the said long line is finished before you? Or why you, without any trolley, can't go through an aisle without feeling like you are in one of these? Or why you can't get your one item Amoxycillin script as quick as a morning quickie?

It is likely, you have encountered a Rate-Limiting Asshole (RLA) listed below. Anyone who knows a bit of chemistry will remember the concept of Rate-Limiting Step; RLA is similar, only that it's an asshole that slows down an entire process that should only take 5 seconds.

(1) More than 12 items in the  "12 items or less" queue

I come from Mars and 12 = 30

These people need no explaining. Stuff you. Period. I came down here to buy some quick washing detergent cause I ran out of clean undies to wear and as I proceed with my emergency laundry, bang! out of washing powder. Shops should enact the policy of asking "Hi Sir, so which 12 items would you like to buy today?"

(2) Wrong pin/wrong card/not enough money/paying by cheque

69 people have been sentenced to death in Djibouti for paying by cheque

Cashier: "Sorry, it says wrong pin"
RLA: "oh no, I am sure it's that pin, maybe I clicked credit instead of cheque"
Cashier: "wrong account. Just choose the account you did the first time but press the pad hard when doing the pin."
RLA: Proceeds to press and click ok even though only 3 numbers were entered as the pin.
Cashier: "now your card is locked and you have to go the bank to unlock it."
RLA: "no no, I'll just try again"
RLA: "oh no, it's bounced again, do you take cheque?"

(3) Voucher Fiend

Several kids have died of starvation whilst waiting for the person in front to find the right voucher

You know the type. The one that stands there and digs through what seems like a whole wallet that is dedicated to the storage of loyalty cards and vouchers. After what seems like a million years, the person pulls out a coupon that was issued when Caesar was murdered on the lower steps of the portico.

(4) High maintenance

This picture needs no caption

Can I please get this particular slice and this one and that one, no, not that one, this one slice of salmon and can I also get it bagged separately in 4 different bags. All said whilst pushing an *empty* double pram!

or

Can I please pay this lot using my card but this lot using cheque and I also want $100 cash out at 9am in the morning in $20s, $10s, $5s, $2s and $1s.

(5) all of the above

Imagine a combination of the above and you will agree with me that some people just need a high-five in the face with a chair. A very succinct pictorial description of this is provided here by The Oatmeal.